Archive for October, 2009

The new thing

So, as i’ve probably mentioned, i’m *ahem* a writer. Though lately i haven’t written much of anything. This must change.

Here’s what i wish i was doing lately:

  1. Finishing the first 50 pages of “Losing Candyland.” (Some folks think it’s fine and i should just send it out. Others think it’s broke. I just want to do one last reorg and polish and send it out.)
  2. Polishing the short stories i have and sending them out.
  3. Writing a story a week.
  4. Submitting to the major markets regularly.
  5. Figuring out this !@#$ MFA thing.
  6. Starting the next big project.
        Either the next novel.
        or a comicbook script.
        or a screenplay.
  7. And i note that NaNoWriMo is right around the corner.

Some complications are that i will be travelling this month, am a panellist at TWO conferences (see next post), have lots of pay-work to do and am generally feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Furthermore, being sick and stuck in the house has left me really stir-crazy.

So here’s the plan:

  1. Get out of the house.
  2. Break everything down to reasonable chunks and only worry about the chunk currently in front of me.
  3. Set a timer to force myself to take breaks.
  4. Schedule each category for each work day. So some pay-work, some writing, some long term planning, some downtime.
  5. Don’t spend all my downtime online.

I do want to do NanoWriMo or something similar, so part of this will be scheduling a chunk of time everyday to chip away at that.

So i might add a daily update to the bottom of my posts: What i’m working on , how it’s going, what comes next. We’ll see.

Who knows, maybe i’ll do another of my insane challenges or contests. I’ll keep you posted.

Thanks, everyone.

Posted by ON in Dear Diary

I really appreciate you all for writing. Thanks.

I notice that i don’t really know how to move on here. What’s the next post after talking about danelé?

I think the worry that comes up is that it’ll look like i don’t care if i move on too quickly.

Screw it. I still care about danelé, i still miss her and feel sad.

But i have stuff to do, so new post to follow.

My ex, danelé, died this morning.

Posted by ON in Dear Diary


danelé was a fighter.

Often for other people, sometimes against them, sometimes against herself. The adrenal cancer was supposed to have killed her years ago, but she stuck around and got on with living her life.

She spelled her name lowercase, so as to be more humble.

She collected people, cared for many. There was no one danelé would give up on. She was a crazy mix of wonder and fears. She was funny and infuriating and complex. I have regrets around my relationship with her, but i remember her explosive laugh and i’ll always owe her for the the years i was part of her family and for the years i got to help raise her son Ayden.

danelé believed in God. I hope she found everything she was sure came next.

She passed peacefully at home surrounded by family and friends. I hear that Ayden was supported by a group of friends who rarely left him. I’m glad. I hear she filled these years with celebration, connection, service and love that paralleled the suffering. I’m glad.

I’m not sure if i miss her yet. We weren’t talking and … well, I feel sad and a little empty and a little numb. It feels weird to write about her. I feel embarrassed, like i shouldn’t be talking about myself or how i feel. She went through five years of cancer, not me. She died. I’m still here.

Still, what else can i do?

I wrote her a tune. I don’t know if it says anything, but it made me feel better.

Actually it makes me smile thinking that she wouldn’t have liked it. I should have written a folk song. Anyway, here’s the track i wrote today ” For danelé. ”

danelé Joy Cousins
March 23, 1971 – October 22, 2009