Birthdays

Posted by ON in Dear Diary

I get a little sick of hearing myself say how much life has changed. I swear I’ve said it like three times in the last two years. I mean, okay, it’s true, but then again it’s probably true for everyone. Maybe it’s more that we all learn new things and then move on to new things.

My birthday’s in a few days, which brings to mind last year’s birthday. Everything had changed then too. I started my huge journey around the world and everything was different, stuff with Jai, my life in Eugene, everything. I’d thought I had a path, and I did, maybe with some bad information and some bad choices, but with a lot of possibilities and dreams.

There was awesome stuff on the trip. In the last year I discovered I love Istanbul and London and Edinburgh and Paris. I learned a lot about myself and what I want from life.

And sure, it was confusing and hard at times. Part of me wants to say it was a distraction from the important things, but I don’t think I could have gotten here if I hadn’t done it all.

On my birthday last year, I had specific ideas about my money-making life, my love life, ideas of living in another country. It was a possible path, none of it turned out the way I thought it would. Some of it sucked, but whatever, it was kinda perfect.

I went through a painful transition a couple days ago. It’s not worth going into, but there are a couple of points worth remarking on: One is that I’d been through nearly this exact same … well, drama a bunch of times. Every time it had torn me up for weeks, sometimes months.

This time I was down for a day or two, but have mostly moved on. The other thing I realized is that — and this sounds like a cliche — I’d been living in a fantasy, waiting for potential and possibility and ignoring what was in front of me. I’ll take clarity any day.

Anyway, yeah, not exactly fun stuff, but it’s weird, I expected to feel more depressed, and for longer …

… but I don’t. I think getting out of a bad situation, and realizing that whatever happens in the next year, (or five, or ten) largely depends on me and my decisions … it sorta forces me to realize that all I really need to do is pay attention and keep at it.

Anyway, I’m excited about this birthday, and cautiously excited about this new stage of my life. I’m sure I still have stuff to work out, emotions to feel, but I come into this birthday feeling unencumbered and hopeful.

Anyway, thanks for reading. If you have a second, wish me a happy birthday!

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4 Responses

  1. Krista says:

    Happy Birthday!
    hugs from Brooklyn

      

  2. Noah says:

    Happy Happy Day!
    XO

      

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