Writing journal – issue 3

Word Count: 16,383 Stress-level: High


I've put myself in my book as three different characters. I am the most self obsessed person ever. Any minute the loser police are going to come confiscate my novel and give me swift kick in the ass.

Ok, one of the me's is really a sort of subconscious manifestation that comes out during drug hallucination's. So i don't know if he counts.

Yes, i'm still a drug addict in the book. But, look, i'm a nice drug addict, a kind drug addict. I'm a drug addict with a heart of gold.

That's an interesting thing. I've never been a big drug user, i don't even really drink all that much. So i've had to do a bunch of research to figure out how to be a good drug addict. I've been going on the web and asking people, “What is an average amount of heroin to take?” So far the police haven't shown up at my door.

Well, you've all been probably waiting for this moment. Here it is:

What the hell am i doing? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

There, that feels a little better. I think if i had to describe this book in one word, the word would be “ambitious.” It's not a crappy confusing pretentious book, no sir, it's ambitious. It's so ambitious that it is written in three parts, all intermingled. I had to draw a chart to keep track of what is happening where and when. No, seriously. And i told you about all the tense changes already, right? Do you dig what i mean about tense? Here's a demo;

Third person past tense: (most common form of fiction writing) “Alice walked down the street swinging her samauri sword solicitously.”

First person past tense: (maybe a little less common) “I, being Alice, walked down the street swinging my samauri sword solicitously.”

First person present tense: (great for modern arty literary crap) “I walk down the street. I see a dog. It is a sad dog. It is me. I am the dog.”

Second person present tense: (not to be used in my, or any, novel, ever) “You look forward down the street. You see a green dragon. It has 42 hit points.
Do you:
A.) Attack the dragon with your +3 vorple blade
B.) Run like hell, it's a goddamn dragon, stupid!”

So, I couldn't just write a 50,000 word novel, no i had to write a 60,000 word novel. I couldn't have one story, no i had to have three, and i couldn't just write it in (one) normal tense. No sir. And on top of all this i had to write up and fictionalize a hugely emotional point in my life that, the more i think about it, i've never fully processed. I think i may need to explore the idea that i'm sabotaging myself, just a little.

What's worse is that i'm running out of ideas. So if you, ya know, have any great novel ideas, uh, feel free to send them my way. My friend Sarah has been sending words to include in the book. Yes Sarah, i did fit “reverberate” in. I figure if each of you send me 200 words, then the book will be done, right?

I'm also still accepting offers of sex, junk food, or parts of my body being rubbed.

The NaNoWriMo folks say that the second week is the worst. So hopefully next week you'll see me refreshed, inspired, and writing a book with a more coherent plot.

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