Long Day, Good Day

Posted by ON in Dear Diary

Today i walked in the rain

i ate my vegetables

i made a list of things to do, then i did them

i made a point of talking to people

i unpacked my bedroom

i laughed, i smiled

i stretched my body and head

Today, one of my stories got rejected, so i sent out 8 more.

Now i have 20 stories in the mail.

Maybe i’m a writer…

Just wrote this to a good friend…

I'm a little off today. Better than i was a few weeks ago, but i'm still sitting in this discomfort that i'm either:

a.) not doing “enough” or
b.) doing the wrong things or
c.) i should be finding work that makes money or
d.) i should be focusing on getting settled and comfortable in my new house and life.

Yesterday i spent the entire day rewriting short stories and looking for markets to send them to. Technically i was very productive, but part of me is laying all these trips on myself that i should be doing more world-work. At the same time i think i'm taking on judgments from my parents that nothing i'm doing these days makes any money and is a bunch of pipe dreams (music, writing, teaching personal growth courses.)

Bleh…

Also i feel pretty overwhelmed. Non-profit negotiations are tense and i'm scared that i'm the only one who knows my ass from a hole in the ground (sounds pretty egotistical doesn't it?)

None of this is getting me any closer to being a-big-rock-star-famous-author-single-handedly-saving-the-world-by-transforming-movements-to-work-together.

The last few days, i keep feeling like there's a thousand things i “should” be doing and that everything is a distraction from everything else. Maybe i should go meditate, or get a job in a cafe or something. or at least give myself permission to go write a fucking song.

So, yeah… that's how i'm doing (this morning.)

Off to send out more fiction,

Still composing music…

Mostly classical and electronic dance music.

But i've recently started writing pop songs (with lyrics and everything, oh my!), i've formed a new band called “I triangle TRIANGLES!” where i play guitar and (gulp) sing. My band is a sorta like They Might Be Giants meets OK GO meets 80s Electro-Pop with samples of old Stax Soul Horn sections… Yeah, it's a mess, but it's a fun mess.

Soon i'll have a page up for the band on my recording label.
http://www.systemcrasher.com