My ex, danelé, died this morning.

danelé was a fighter.

Often for other people, sometimes against them, sometimes against herself. The adrenal cancer was supposed to have killed her years ago, but she stuck around and got on with living her life.

She spelled her name lowercase, so as to be more humble.

She collected people, cared for many. There was no one danelé would give up on. She was a crazy mix of wonder and fears. She was funny and infuriating and complex. I have regrets around my relationship with her, but i remember her explosive laugh and i’ll always owe her for the the years i was part of her family and for the years i got to help raise her son Ayden.

danelé believed in God. I hope she found everything she was sure came next.

She passed peacefully at home surrounded by family and friends. I hear that Ayden was supported by a group of friends who rarely left him. I’m glad. I hear she filled these years with celebration, connection, service and love that paralleled the suffering. I’m glad.

I’m not sure if i miss her yet. We weren’t talking and … well, I feel sad and a little empty and a little numb. It feels weird to write about her. I feel embarrassed, like i shouldn’t be talking about myself or how i feel. She went through five years of cancer, not me. She died. I’m still here.

Still, what else can i do?

I wrote her a tune. I don’t know if it says anything, but it made me feel better.

Actually it makes me smile thinking that she wouldn’t have liked it. I should have written a folk song. Anyway, here’s the track i wrote today ” For danelé. ”

danelé Joy Cousins
March 23, 1971 – October 22, 2009