Open letter to Robert Zemeckis: Please stop making zombie movies.

Dear Bob,

There’s this thing called the Uncanny Valley, and you’ve apparently built a summer home there.

Yes, i agree, technology is really cool and computers are pretty sweet too, but you see, we wacky humans have this response to “nearly human” stuff. When you get close to human, but not quite there, we get really creeped out.

When you made your first zombie flick, The Polar Express, i know you didn’t mean to make children cry, but when zombie Tom Hanks takes the train full of zombie children to zombie Santa …

Uncanny valley, Bob.

Then came Beowulf. Sure, i know Grendel is supposed to be scary, but you know, when zombie Ray Winstone macks on zombie Robin Wright Penn, but then gets seduced by zombie Angelina Jolie, it’s not sexy, Bob, it’s kinda creepy.

It’s partially the dead eyes that don’t quite track the way they should. it’s somewhat the poorly articulated hands that seem to grope at things LIKE THE LIVING DEAD. *ahem* sorry.

Now you’re making the uncanny valley zombie version of A Christmas Carol

… will zombie Jim Carrey and … oh you get the idea, it looks really disturbing and … it’s time to stop, Bob.

We love special effects, Bob. We really do. The world is ready for another live action Contact, or Forrest Gump, or even another Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Back To The Future, Bob.

Come on, come out of the valley.

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5 Responses

  1. Dario says:

    Couldn't agree more

      

  2. Hershell L. says:

    He's remaking Yellow Submarine next. *loads pistol*

      

  3. Finlandperkele says:

    The Polar Express was boring as hell and it was kind of bad…
    me and my friends (15 people) watched it in a mini theater
    and it we were just laughing because the voice acting was
    so bad sometimes. How could that make children cry…
    I didn't even realize there were "zombies" but thanks for the
    info.

    But… since this dude was producer of House of Wax
    – which is a the only horror movie that surprised me
    he must be a good producer.

      

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