Posts Tagged ‘life’

What’s going on

Posted by ON in Dear Diary


J and I have known for awhile but it took us a long time to tell our friends, even longer to tell our families. But at this point I think most people know we’re splitting up.

For a divorce, it’s going fantastically well. We don’t feel bitter or angry. We still love each other. We still like each other. I don’t think either of us did anything wrong. My friend Neil blogged (near the bottom) that he and his ex-wife work much better as friends and neighbors than as a married couple. I think something like that is true for us too. There’s so much we love and appreciate about each other, but there’s a whole subset of our relationship that isn’t making us happy. More importantly, we’ve been worried that we’re growing less when we’re together than when we’re apart. It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the basics.

And that’s sort of the crux of it. We’ve been married almost four years. The core of our vows was to support each other to grow, even if it meant not being together. So, it’s been good, and sad, and confusing … and in the end we’re just doing the best we can and trying our best to be good to each other.

In three days we’re doing a divorce ceremony. Part of that will be affirming that we’re not completely leaving each others’ lives and that neither of us can predict the future. After the ceremony is done we’re going to have a potluck and wake.

We’re been doing pretty well slogging through packing up and splitting our stuff, figuring out money and making sure both of us will be okay after I go. We’ve decided not to talk for six months while we get used to life as whatever we are after we’re not married.

In less than a month i’m off to Europe to find adventure (and do a bunch of writing). I’m scared, and sad, and excited and numb all at once. I really appreciate all the support my friends have given me …

… and if you’re reading this and you want to reach out to one or both of us, we would love that.

So that’s it. Hope this clears up all the vague European references.

Love to you all,

What is this thing called … blogging?

Posted by ON in Dear Diary

Up way too late.

It’s been awhile. Just got back my first feedback on the novel … i see lots of revision on my horizon. Ugh. More on that later …

Trying to figure out what to put in this here blog thing. Been thinking about getting back to the music and art posts but also have lots of big important stuff going on in my life right now. What do you want to hear about?

Who am i writing to anyway?

I haven’t figured out what to report. What’s balanced? My friend Neil mostly keeps his blog positive, professional and light, but he throws in little bits of his real life too. (Though he waited quite a while to get into some really personal stuff.) Ferrett practically exposes a raw nerve every day on his blog. I don’t think i’m looking for that much exposure, but …

I don’t quite know what to share, and what not to. I like doing the art and music for the blog, but i worry i’m not putting enough of myself in here. At the same time, i don’t really want to get all confessional either … whew! Complicated.

Honestly, i have this blog thing for a variety of reasons, some contradictory. I want to keep in touch with people. I want to entertain. Partially i just want to get my name out there, build an audience for my work. (I hope that’s not mercenary. I just have big plans and want folks to read my stuff.)

There’s people in my life, i want to talk about them, want them to know what and how much i think about them, how much i care. I want to hold a sign over their head that says, “SIGNIFICANT.”

Should i make a chart so you’re clear on who’s who? Or should i just talk about my life and let you figure it out from inference?

When am i hiding things, accidentally hurting by omission? When am i saying too much, walking through a bus station, screaming TMI?

How much of blogging is entertainment and how much is diary?

*thinking* *going to bed*

Goals, goals, goals…

Did the goals meeting last night. My gang, six other writing friends, and i meet monthly.

Goals group? Really?

Yeah, whatever. I feel goofy, but i do it anyway. Make fun of me all you like, but it’s working. Anything that breaks my habit of trying to tough-out everything by myself is a good thing. These folks support me and each other. We check-in a couple times a month and i even write daily check-ins to a few of them. How can it be a bad thing to remind ourselves daily where we want to be in our lives and careers, right?

We’ve been doing it for a while. It was a little rocky at first, none of us were feeling satisfied with the meetings. Then we lay some ground rules. Pretty basic stuff like: We have social time and goals time, the two don’t bleed into each other. (Heh, we even light a candle to remind ourselves we’re in focused goals mode.) When someone is reporting last month’s goals and working out next month’s, they get 100% of our focus. We support, cheerlead, offer suggestions and, most importantly, encourage each other to not be so damn hard on ourselves. It rules.

All of us have had some really rough months since January, the meetings have been one of the things pulling me through. And, yeah, they can get pretty emotional. Last night’s was the first in a while without someone crying.

Hell, why not have a themed party about how rockin’ the future is going to be? Last night J brought out some shmancy paper and we each made gaudy lists to hang off our computers.

Even though i take this stuff seriously, i can’t help but be irreverent about it too. My list needed a title that showed the dignity and power of the moment. So i went with:
May goals

Heh, anyway…

As i start on the novel again today, my list hanging off my monitor, i’m glad to be focusing what makes my life more full of awesome.

Take care,